Spaces Between Us
by JoWright95
Summary: Part 1 Series 4 alternative ending and continuation ...They were like any other group of normal people seated in the diner; no S.H.I.E.L.D., no agenda, just the quiet chattering on the kids alongside me and Phil's hand resting on top of mine. Except there was always an agenda, and there would always be a S.H.I.E.L.D... Philinda focused Also welcome back Bobbi and Hunter
1. Chapter 1

The rest of the team, of our family went with Gemma and Daisy to get supplies, to finish fixing each other up. It was clear though, that above anything else, they just couldn't stand to stay at the base any longer, surrounded by the literal ruins of everything they'd come to know and love. Well, almost everything.

Phil moved carefully by my side as we picked our way through the rubble. I don't really know what we're looking for, I don't think either of us do. The brush of familiar fingertips against the back of my hand drew me to an unconscious stop, as we reached what remained of the Director's Office. The desk in the middle of the room was the only thing to have survived the blast. Looking up I found Phil staring down at me and without breaking his gaze he linked his fingers securely through mine. I opened my mouth to speak but the strain of the past 48 hours, hell, of the past few months choked me and instead of being able to verbalise any sort of response, unexpected tears prickled the back of my eyes. He drew me into a soft embracing, shushing me softly and I allowed myself to sink into him, burying my head in the crook of his neck. I released the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding, even when everything else fell apart, there was always this, there was always Phil. I don't know who moved first but Phil's mouth, gentle and warm pressed softly against mine. It only took seconds for any hesitance to disappear, a single kiss confirming what they'd both simultaneously been building and denying for nearly two decades. Lost in the feeling of his mouth on mine, of his hands tracing my body, tangling themselves in my hair, the back of my legs bumped against the desk before I even realised we had moved. In one fluid motion, Phil lifted me onto the edge of the desk and I eagerly took the advantage to press fully against him. Breathing hard he broke his lips away from mine and pressed his forehead gently to mine.

"I'm sorry". His voice was strangled with emotion.

"Phil..", I reached out, raising my hand to caress his cheek, to show him it was okay, that we would be okay, that now wasn't a time for regrets. He seemed to understand but he straightened up to hold my gaze. "No", his voice was firm now and my heart sank a little before he continued, "I'm sorry our whole world had to fall apart before I had the courage to tell you I loved". My heart drummed in my ears and I opened my mouth to speak but there were no words, not enough anyway. To tell him I was at least 50% to blame in that situation, that my world would never truly fall apart as long as he was part of it, that for heaven's sake none of it mattered because I have always and will always love him. "I'm sorry", he whispered, drawing away from our stalled embrace. My thundering heart almost stuttered to a stop and I blurted it out, "You're an idiot". His gaze snapped back up to meet mine, eyes questioning. "I mean… I love you".

We both moved simultaneously, a frenzy of hands and lips and uncensored passion. Nothing else was said, not with words anyway, more had been said in the past few moments than the past twenty years.

When we pulled up late to the small diner down the street where the others were waiting patiently, no one asked what had kept us but I could feel Daisy's eyes burning a trail over my skin as Phil helped me into my seat, his hand lingering momentarily on my back before he broke away. A comfortable mix of tiredness and contentment washed through me as we tucked into our meals. They were like any other group of normal people seated in the diner; no S.H.I.E.L.D., no agenda, just the quiet chattering on the kids alongside me and Phil's hand resting on top of mine. Except there was always an agenda, and there would always be a S.H.I.E.L.D.

Several things happened at once as my last tiny shard of happiness was shattered. The lights went out and the room erupted into chaos. Phil's hand ripped from hers and she turned, expecting to see him already drawing a weapon but all she was left with were the sad blue eyes she could see in the darkness and a gentle whisper, "Look after our family". The earth started to shake and she heard Daisy's agonised scream behind her only a second before a wall of pain assaulted her senses and Phil was gone and everything went blank.


	2. Chapter 2

The only thing that surprised Fury was that it had taken her this long to track him down. Sure, he was holed up in an unregistered black-site, completely off the grid but one didn't simply take something away from a woman like Melinda May and expect to have to wait two weeks before she came inquiring after it. And Agent Philip Couslon had never been just 'something' as far as she was concerned. The wreck of a woman standing in front of him proved that.

"Take a seat Agent May". When she didn't respond, he continued. "Come on, I know you didn't break yourself out of that civilian hospital and travel across the country by yourself just to stand in my doorway". Even in the darkened room, he saw the raw emotion flicker across her face before her eyes steeled over once more.

"Don't play with me, Fury. You know what I want and you know damn well what I'd do to get it". The effectiveness of her threat was slightly undermined by the crackling hoarseness of her voice. To her outrage, a small smile played across Fury's lips.

"I hate to say it Melinda, but you don't exactly look up to doing much of anything at all at the moment". The unmistakable 'click' of a disengaged safety pin was all he got in response. Wordlessly, Fury kicked the empty chair across from him, sending it skidding to a halt in front of the shaken agent. "I don't have him, Melinda, this isn't coming from S.H.I.E.L.D". He was expecting the warning shot that whistled over his head and didn't dare so much as flinch as he held her gaze with a mixture of sincerity and pity. The words hung in the air between them, and the moment stretched almost beyond breaking point before her shoulders dropped and May sagged soundlessly into the chair in front of her. Taking a moment to study her, now that she had stepped forward from the shadows, Fury could see the effects on his colleague that no amount of intel he received over the past two weeks could accurately describe. Her run in with Agent Coulson's mysterious captors had left her in a critical state in a nearby hospital. The rest of the team had not been harmed and he suspected her time spent in the frame work was the true culprit of her injuries. Muscles atrophied, airway damaged, starved within an inch of her life, the move that was probably meant only to restrain her dislocated both her shoulders and succeeded in nearly crushing her chest, and that was only the physical. She was no longer a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, both her and her team were lucky not to be publicly branded as terrorists but years of friendship and the weight of debts unpaid made his next decision for him. They may not be able to work _for_ S.H.I.E.L.D. but there was no reason they couldn't work alongside it.

Fury's words echoed through my mind as I paused hesitantly in the hallway of the cramped motel, before finally knocking on the faded blue door.

"… _I may not be able to help Coulson but I believe you recently gained the responsibility of some people that I can…_ " Those words had decided it, after all it had been the final thing Phil had asked of me. _Take care of our family._ When the door finally swung open, Daisy stood in the doorway, looking at me with the murderous accusation I deserved for abandoning her before her eyes swam with tears and she flung herself unexpectedly into my arms. I let my own tears fall and held her as tightly as I could even as my body protested. Jemma's pale figure appeared around the door frame and I quickly dried my eyes as she ushered us into the tiny room, where the rest of the team sat, divided between the floor and two small bed frames. The next few minutes were a flurry of activity that almost out-matched the long journey here. I found myself being pushed towards the edge of the closest bed, where as soon as I sat Jemma immediately began fussing with my bandages and the wounds I had left untreated over the past few weeks, I barely registered Elena whipping around the tight space until a cup of tea was pushed into my hands and Mack began a thorough briefing of their current situation and their movements in my absence. Pride and sorrow sent a stab of pain through my already aching chest; they had pulled together admirably but I could see the strain in each of them - could feel the weight of the atmosphere between a group of raw people barely holding it together. A wave of tiredness I almost forgot I was fighting washed over me and I was beginning to lose focus before a small voice from behind me snapped me painfully back into focus.

"You can't just leave". Daisy was still standing in front of the now closed door, her arms crossed defensively, fear and betrayal reflected in her large brown eyes, still burdened by tears.

"Daisy, please - ", Jemma began pleadingly.

"No Jemma, she's right", standing I turned to face them all, briefly meeting each pair of eyes that looked back at me, "I shouldn't have left you like that, put my own grief ahead of what I know you're all feeling, that's not what Agent Coulson would have wanted and it's not what I intended to do. This team is a family and families don't abandon one another. We _will_ find Coulson and we will keep this family together but first we need to take care of one another. I can't take back what I've done but I - I", my voice faltered as I met Daisy's gaze, hot tears stinging the back of my eyes, "I can promise that from now on nothing will come between or go before my family".

The rest of the night was short but peaceful. The young agents had been vigilant, even in the absence of a leader. Their nightly routine involved taking shifts in groups of two's while the others slept and making supply runs at night as they attempted to lay low. I was glad security was still in their concerns, it was probably the reason they accepted my cautiously vague plans, devoid of any detail accept that they would travel at first light and I would explain everything I could then.

The next morning, I sat in the passenger seat of the mini bus Elena had 'acquired', as Mack insisted on driving. I explained as best I could, skipping over some of the more troubling details of how I came me to Fury's safehouse and the equally unpleasant journey back. But the team were satisfied; I had returned with a set of co-ordinates and the promise of a new life, that if they played their cards right, would provide everything they needed to find Phil.

The night sky was paling into a new day when the bus stopped outside a tall set of gates, a pair of gentle hands shaking me awake as we arrived at was to become our new home.

At first I was furious. Fury had sent us to the HALO headquarters, an organization that had made its business 're-purposing' the talents of displaced special agents from a variety of agencies. They weren't anywhere on a map because people didn't need to find them, they would find the people they needed, regardless of whether those people wanted to be found or not - I should know, I'd recovered the bodies of enough former S.H.I.E.L.D agents to know how these people did business. But it soon became clear that he may be a bastard, but Fury was a smart bastard. New identities, secure lodgings and access to advanced technologies and systems most people didn't even know about. His comment about playing our cards right had not been a figure of speech, this was a game we were all going to have to play if we wanted to get Phil back. It would take time but it was our best shot.

As we always did, the team adapted. We were each assigned to divisions that matched our skill sets, silently thankful our security levels didn't clear us for active missions. The layout of the facility was not unlike a university, different buildings housing the operations of different divisions - and a large apartment block for the housing of new 'residents'. As much as I disliked being kept on such a short lease, it kept the team secure and it kept us together. The spacious four bedroom apartment on the fifth floor didn't take long to feel like home. We worked separately but returned each evening to share dinner and whatever intel we had managed to gather. It was on an evening like this, two weeks after our arrival, an impossible five weeks after the day that led us here, that I could here snatches of the groups laughter and rambling conversations from the kitchen through the small gap in my door. The uncontrollable trembling that had over-taken my body had nothing and everything to do with my collapse on my evening run. The jarring sickness had been building all week, I'd hoped the cool air might help clear my head as I set off on my usual route outside the compound. I hadn't felt my legs falter beneath me and the hard shock as the pavement rushed to meet me jolted me back into awareness. Still, as I stood, a fresh wave of nausea overtook me and I was forced to lower myself back to the ground. As I sat there my stomach settled but my mind wandered, landing on something that forced me back to my feet as my chest constricted.

I made one stop on my way back to the apartment, declining dinner when I returned and retreating to the privacy of my room. That had been almost an hour ago and in that time - minus three excruciating minutes - my world had simultaneously fallen apart and come together again. I knew what I had to do, yet still, I remained rooted to my bed, the offending piece of plastic still gripped in my hand. I looked down at it once more, the results already beginning to fade and set it aside as I reached under the bed, pulling out the go-bag I had packed our first night here. It didn't have much, some clothes, a weapon, cash but then again I didn't have much else. Gathering up the packaging still strewn on the floor of the small ensuite she shared with Jemma, I stuffed it into the bag and hoisted it over my shoulder, slipping silently out the door of my room. At the end of the hallway, I paused but a shout of Daisy's laughter masked the sound of the key turning in the front door before it clicked softly shut behind me. The weight that pressed down on me as I made my way out of the complex had nothing to do with the bag slung across my back. The guilt brought tears to me eyes that I didn't bother rubbing away. Even though it would break a bit of me and possibly all of them, I knew that I was willing to break every other promise in order to keep this one. Because this wasn't just my decision. It was the last thing he had asked me to do. _Take care of our family._


	3. Chapter 3

_**DAISY**_

My burner buzzed in my inside pocket just as the door clicked shut behind me. Shrugging out of my jacket by the door I read the short message:

 _Turtleman slowing me down, start without us – YoYo_

Mack and Elena had been the first to be cleared for active duty; with Mack's advanced mechanical experience and Yo-Yo's obvious flexible assets putting them both in high demand. They were constantly on the move now and had been assigned temporary living quarters. Their departure had been a harsh blow, coming just a couple of weeks after _she_ had left. They, however, made a point of coming back. Although, the void they had left was quickly filled in the most unexpected of ways. Just a few short days after they had left, Bobbi and Hunter arrived at our doorstep, luggage in tow.

Life had gained some semblance of normality since then. Our duties kept us apart most days, despite Hunter, Bobbi and I all working in the same division. FitzSimmons kept the most regular schedule, working set rotations in their respective labs and had taken over much of the responsibility for the apartment; Jemma having taken an enthusiastic interest in cooking all of a sudden. My heart clenched briefly at the thought – that had always been Coulson's gig. Pushing aside that line of unhelpful thinking, I grabbed a beer from the fridge before joining the others.

In the weeks after her departure, May's room had been converted into what we affectionately referred to as DCHQ. Coulson was never far from the front of our minds, those of us that were still around anyway. We followed whatever leads we could, took advantage of whatever assets we had access to and came together once a week to share information and coordinate. It had already been eleven weeks since Coulson's disappearance, and if our mounting frustration with each passing week was anything to go by, I hated to imagine what he must be feeling. Most weeks were the same, a drawn-out process of crossing off dead ends so we could move on. Not this week, however.

"We can get started, Mack and Yo-Yo will be a while". Taking the empty seat next to Fitz, I noted to Hunter to take the lead as we poured over the plans laid out between us.

"Okay, we'll need to start with…." As he spoke my mind began to wander, I already knew the Op, it was my plan after all. It turned out that shortly after they were disconnected from the team, Bobbi and Hunter were picked up by Halo. Their need to keep a low profile, at least for a while, had them mostly contained to what Hunter was calling 'The PlayPen' A.K.A. exactly where they were all stuck. It appeared that HALO was much more than they had initially perceived. These grounds, the labs, the offices were all just the tip of the iceberg. FitzSimmons had learned of the existence of several off-site storage facility- if you can even justify referring to a heavily guarded warehouse full of secret assets and technologies a 'storage facility'. They had little room to expand on their initial discovery without raising any suspicions. It was only when Mack was enlisted to help transport tech from one of their facilities to another that we saw our opportunity. With the longest leash of all of us, Bobbi and Hunter took care of things on the ground until after weeks of digging they finally managed to compile enough information for me to get a location on SF000. Mack explained that the warehouses were categorized in terms of content use and classification. FitzSimmons knew of nine in the city but only had access to SF005 and SF009. Our immediate focus was to go after 001, the highest classified facility reserved for advanced and untested tech. That was the plan, until Bobbi came across several sealed files with the redaction source SF000. HALO had one more facility in the area, completely off the grid but fortunately, not beyond the reach of my hacking skills. I had the co-ordinates, the schematics and a record of security and other personnel on the site. And finally, we had a plan.

A soft nudge to the ribs pulled my focus back into the room. The room was already beginning to clear as the team made their way into the kitchen for dinner. We would need Yo-Yo for the next part, who had spent the most of this week surveying the area around the site, in between assignments. Catching Hunter's eye, he nodded toward the door, gesturing that I should follow him. He studied me with an unusually serious look as he loaded food onto his plate.

"You sure you're up for this?" Baulking at my accusing glare, he quickly changed tact. "All I mean is, we need all the help we can get on this and it might be best if we waited until we were able to track down…"

"We've got everything we need already". I turned away quickly to try and hide my annoyance, he wasn't the source of my frustration after all. I understood his concerns, hell, I shared a lot of them. But our team had been through so much already, and no matter how desperate I was to find Coulson, I would never knowingly walk them into something I thought we couldn't handle.

Noticing their absence, I went to check on Jemma and Bobbi who had yet to join the rest of the team now gathering around the kitchen table. The sound of their hushed, urgent voices on the other side of the door gave me pause.

"… I know, I don't like it either Jemma, but nobody can disappear completely, I'll keep looking".

"Don't bother". They both looked up, surprised by my presence in the doorway. Jemma had been acting strange for weeks now ever since, well, things changed. A lot had happened, we were all adjusting but I thought we were at least all on the same page about this. "Coulson is priority number one right now – and we don't have the resources to waste time on anything else". Jemma averted her gaze, quickly leaving the table and heading for the kitchen. But there was something unreadable in Bobbi's eyes. I knew she wanted to say something, by the sound of the conversation I just walked in on, she should have plenty to say for herself. But I was done having this conversation. The silence hanging awkwardly in the air between us was broken by a soft rap on the door. "That's probably Mack – we should be getting back to what's important". I could feel the frustrated rage searing beneath my skin, if he was going to lecture someone, maybe Hunter should have a word with his wife.


	4. Chapter 4

**MAY**

Feeling the tiredness settle in my bones like lead, I was glad the heavy rain had forced me onto the tram. With an unsettled stomach as my near constant companion these days, exhaustion and nerves added a harsh undercurrent to the waves of nausea that passed over me as I tried to keep my cover in the jostling carriage. The cool glass against my cheek provided some small relief as I rested my head against the window. It wouldn't be long more now, whether that's welcome news or not, I'm still unsure. Grimacing at the twinge I could already feel in my neck, it was yet another reminder of what a literal pain being restricted to land travel could be. My back ached from weeks of travelling across country and sleeping on crappy hotel mattresses. But I'd do it all ten times over if this plan came together.

My moment of brief satisfaction was interrupted as the tram jolted to a stop and my cheekbone bounced against the window before I had a chance to right myself. However, triggered by the unexpected blossoming of pain, my hand flew instinctively to my stomach rather than my head. I mentally chastised myself; none of this was going to work if I continued to be so obvious. Even so, as the tram rocked back into motion, my hands lingered on my slightly swollen abdomen. My thoughts unconsciously flitted into the one space I'd been trying desperately to keep them away from. Thoughts of Phil, or more pointedly of the distinct _lack_ of Phil did nothing to discourage the turbulent emotions that fluttered dangerously closer to the surface as more time passed. It was all I could do most days to pour my mind into everything and anything other than the void left by his absence. But tonight, apparently, nestled somewhere beneath my fingertips, his baby had other plans.

 **PHIL**

I started counting the ceiling tiles again as I lay back on the small bunk. With my hands laced loosely over my abdomen, my body held every bit of ease that my mind did not. The hard labour that exhausted my body each day did nothing to prevent my mind running laps when I finally had the chance to rest. Not that rest was really an option, not when I spent the day mentally running in circles, every thought starting and ending with Melinda May. It was a cruel joke; that I could practically still feel the warmth of her touch lingering on my skin when in reality, she was literal worlds away. Well, I can only assume.

The captivating astral view from the observation deck told me I was far from earth but how far, I couldn't even begin to guess. In my own time I was free to observe the view from the deck; vast and beautiful and ever changing. Even in my first moments of pure awe, I knew I would trade it all in a heartbeat for a glimpse of Melinda. S.H.I.E.L.D had taken me all over the world and now finally beyond it but May was the only real home I had. Even at this distance, she was my constant companion, she kept my heart beating and my thoughts racing as she ran incessantly through my mind. Just like always, as I worked, it was her voice in my ear, taking my problems and handing back solutions in the meticulous way only she could.

But reality and dreaded possibilities awaited just behind my eyelids, showing the worst of her that I came to feel as the worst of myself. Empty eyes and a dead little girl. A body he knew so well, faded to almost beyond my recognition as she fell from the grasp of the framework. Wasted chances and broken promises and no - . Tearing my mind away from its familiar spiral, I took it to the only safe place I had left, reliving the one blissful memory that had kept me sane. The weight of her leaning against my chest, real and close and safe.

Tonight, that memory pushed me from the bed and onto my knees as I lifted the thin mattress, removing the drawings I had carefully stashed despite my solidarity on the ship. Laying them out once more, I set aside my tiredness: If I was going to feel her back in my arms any time soon, I needed to get to work.

 **MAY**

I instinctively pulled my coat tighter against the rain that hammered down, even though my clothes were already sodden beneath it. Shivering as the wind tore through the light fabric, I longed for the warmth of the thick sweater I could almost visualize packed at the bottom of my bag. Which was useless, of course, seeing as the bag in question was probably still sitting pretty on the mountainside where I had been forced to abandon it. The sting of that memory brought some comfort, that trip had lead me closer to Phil and ultimately directed me here. Or, what I hoped was getting very close to here.

I had enough emergency field training to know I was dangerously cold without the indication of the rain slowly turning to sleet as it battered the pavement. I quickly dismiss the bitter thoughts that I should have stayed on the tram, despite the security risks. If anyone had been watching, my destination would become far too obvious if I had taken the tram directly into the area. Departing a few stops before had seemed like the right move at the time but that was over two hours ago now. I'd hope to make better time but I couldn't risk drawing attention to myself by running. It was all I could do to keep trudging forward at this steady pace, trying to ignore the dizziness that hazed my vision more and more frequently. Having retched what little I had to eat shortly after exiting the tram, my body was running on sheer determination alone.

Despite dreading the fallout from what I was about to do, relief flooded my system as the fencing came into view. It was a useless security measure as I was able to slip easily through the gap in the panels and dash quickly across the grounds. I was grateful for this small mercy, even though I knew these people had other ways of protecting what was important to them. Security was embarrassingly loose, poorly placed surveillance cameras all pointing outward only meant I could creep easily along the walls amongst the shadows until I came to the right door. It wasn't a priority area, the simple keypad easy to unscrew and short circuit. Still, it takes longer than it should have, clumsy fingers, numb and shivering, slowing me down. My legs had already stiffened from the cold as I heard the lock disengage beside me and I hurried through the door. I move quickly through the corridors, the warmth washing over me and fizzling uncomfortably under my frozen skin. I thought I'd done a pretty good job ignoring the doubts that were building in the back of my mind until I unconsciously slowed to a halt as I reached the final corner. Mentally shaking myself, I take the final steps forward and give a quick knock on the plain grey door. I didn't notice I'd been holding my breath until the until all the air rushed from my lungs when I saw Daisy on the other side of the door.


End file.
